REVEALation pART 2

emotions:......understanding....

Part 2...

1. I don't understand people - how is it that its so ez for the words "I want to b wit u " to come out of someone's mind but the actions are so complicated - oh ppl.

2. Inhibitions - what is the point of anyone putting rules or regulations on what they truly want to do? Who's idea was that?

3. It seems so simple for people to get what they want out of me and move forward but when they take that piece I have such a hard time letting go of that piece - who sed I wnted to share?

4. I've often feel that I am a step stool for others - I have this way of bringin out these amazing qualities in ppl and makin ppl see them and keep them - but when it comes time to enjoy those qualities they walk away and sum1 else gets the greatness

5. A moment - a memory - a lifetime --i need to lrn to that those r the categories

6. No matter how distant I keep myself frm him.....the moment I c him its like nothing ever happened

7. Mental stimulation is by far the hardest but the most necessary.

8. Why do ppl speak words - is it the truth or more to convince themselves

9. I kno who I truly am - and understand what I want

10. I kno that's I dnt want him as just a friend and will never speak of him being "just my friend"


More to come ....

"If you get the chance take it, if it changes your life let it.
Nobody said it would be easy they just promised it would be worth it."

REVEALations pART I

::emotion: ..................::

So - a few revelations have come my way I shall list them:

1. I am a true diamond and the ppl around me have been noticing it - slowly peelin away the ugly layers to allow myself to truly shine - and just like a diamond is forever, when I truly care its forever - good and bad.

2. I've been wearing a mask - and one persin was able to c my true colors and see my true face and truly every aspect of me - and now I fear wit the pain ill wear that mask to him too - tryin to slowly avoid puttin it on, but yesterday I let it happen - told the truth today.

3. U came into my life unexpectedly.....::beautiful suprise::

4. So - gettin close to ppl - what's the point? What does it do? Should ppl b trusted with the most valuable thing in ur life - urself

5. Giving up - what does that mean? Just bc u let sum1 go does it mean u give up on them?? Or could it b that that's where u r supposed 2 b - y is It that the ppl that are so much btr for you u dnt fight for but the ones that want u 2 be sumthing u aren't or dnt make you any better u fight for? I mean seriously - humans make no sense - if one used their head and not their heart one may make decisions differently

6. The ones u give the most to take the most from u but give u the least.

7. I realize that power lies in the person that makes the decisions. Had decisions been made by sumone else and not left solely to one person - people wouldn't have so much power over others.

8. I truly do have the most amazing women in my life....

9. Breakin up is truly hard to do....hey when I was younger it was just a song to me.

10. I have an eternal partner...through the trials and tribulations, all the pain and agony - i can't seem to hate him and be mad at him....

11. Music truly heals the soul....its amazing how many songs one can relate with....

12. I am more in touch with my emotions and myself than i thought I was...i am more rational and levelheaded than i thought i was and in the end I am truly amazing and noone can take that from me...



Within the next few days many more revelations will come - so i labeled this pART 1......

-T

i'll be back shortly.....

"You got to stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone used to be"

Definition of Happines

::emotions: NONE::

Can someone please define “happiness”?

What does it mean to you???

Looking forward to comments….

unBREAKable Rollercoaster Ride

::emotions: lost completely lost::

The unbreakable cycle….

My cycle isn’t a Circle…it’s a parabolic line – a never ending parabolic line….There is the uphill which is great and amazing and than you reach the top and things seem so perfect and BOOM down they go….faster than the uphill climb waiting to reach rock bottom…and the momentum that brings you down bring you back up and you go with it because as a human you want to feel good you want to be “happy” <> ---so the next uphill feels great and you reach the top a little quicker b/c its never that initial high…and you rapidly turn around and come back down again with the momentum to go back up…

Like a rollercoaster – you can never make the same fall twice – each fall is closer and closer to the ground...until you eventually level out…and are @ the bottom….all you can do is decide “do I ride this rollercoaster again or do I move to a different one” – and I keep getting back in line for this same rollercoaster…this same cycle hoping for a different outcome…

There comes a time in life when you must leave that comfort zone leave that rollercoaster and jump on another – something completely different – with loops and turns and higher drops and a bigger risk…when will I make that move…the courage within keeps me in the comfort of my own ride…the ride I create the one I enable – the one that I am so used to – I’ve gotten off that rollercoaster and tried new ones, but with similar qualities…seeing a common denominator and just jumping on b/c its “safe”….

Learning to let go is just so hard…

In complete desperation – T……

LimboTIC Confusion

::emotions: WTF, clueless, scared, relieved, distressed, stressed, angry, happy, confused, frustrated::

Limbo – of emotions, of thoughts, of movement…take 3 4 5 6 steps forward only to retract….back to the state of limbo…back to the state of unknown…you know…I never thought I’d be going backwards in life while watching everyone speed in front….ugh…its me isn’t it!!?? I must have that effect…

Decision is made – now time to put that decision into action- not angry, not upset, not happy, not sad, not content, but its necessary and the best thing for everyone involved @ this current moment –I can just hope the next time I have this discussion there will be no torn feelings and things will make perfect sense…and no questioning and no maybes just a definite “LETS DO IT – I’m EXCITED!”

What does one do when words and actions are so contradictory…and sometimes the actions from the past become words of the present but the actions are still contradicting???

Things I want to know:

My point in your life?

My worth in your life?

Your desire of me in your life?

Your want for me in your life?

Your need for me in your life?

*Can you answer those for me please? Completely wholeheartedly and honest*

See I can answer all those questions with certainty…it isn’t hard…how can one truly never know how they are feeling? Could it be fear to let the words come out of their mouths?? Could it be the simple fact that if they voice it, it mean its true?

This entry is full of questions: maybe my emotion should be ::intrigued, inquisitive, questioning, confusion::: Hmmm that’s what I’ll title this…Limbo tic (not even a word but it makes sense) Confusion – or a Limbo of Confusion…hmmmm Idk yet….

I’m at a point in my life where sometimes I wonder about myself – I’m at a stage in my life where sometimes I feel like I just settle for “okay” settle for acceptable – for LIMBO….how do I shake that? The courage has to come from somewhere – is it so blatantly obvious that I just don’t see it? Am I reading too much into it? Who knows….

When it comes to you – I let go and just let things happen and I see things getting better and more concrete…than something anything even a little hair out of place happens and it goes back to not knowing anything…goes back to “what are we?” “Who are we?” – to me the answers to those questions don’t change – every time I’m asked I give the same answer….where are you? And what are you feeling? **can’t you just speak and stop thinking**

I learned a while back that when it comes to love and when it comes to understanding someone or explaining your feelings to someone you truly care about you shouldn’t hold back you shouldn’t think you shouldn’t question you should speak – its those initial thoughts and words that are most accurate of the truth …not to say that what you would say after you think isn’t but those first thoughts are pure emotion and pure honesty….

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going
to stay where you are”

Love, so glad you've returned to me...

::Emotions: in love::

I found a long lost love today…
A love I should’ve never let go…
I promise old love I didn’t forget you…
I was focused on everything but you…
I’m so glad you haven’t given up on me…
So glad you called me…
So glad you realized that I was always truly yours…
The feelings you bring out of me no one could ever bring…
You truly are that light in my dark times…
The true key to my soul is held by you…
I promise old love I will never let you go again…
You know…
you never truly left…
You were always there…
Surrounding me with your beauty…
Surrounding me with your emotions…
Surrounding me with you love…
When you were sad I felt it…
When you were happy I felt it…
When you were angry I felt it…
When you were mellow I felt it…
Every emotion and feeling you had…
I felt it…
I guess I just ignored you…








MUSIC – u and I were meant to be – I shall never leave you……

“Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life”

~my life is an album…come listen to my songs~

Live....Laugh...Love...Learn

::Emotions: happy, relieved, fascinated, content, peaceful::

Today I sat back and just looked @ my life – I realized I now see things that I never thought I’d see…Truly ironic – things I never thought would be are being – realizing how naïve and blind “love” can truly make you Its like a sigh of relief – my heart is finally starting to feel free and I’m truly not scared of it….starting to accept the things I cannot change and have no control over…its like that prayer “God grant me to serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”I now see how I am learning to accept and gain the courage – the wisdom was always there I just suppressed it b/c I was too confused with my wants and needs – more often than not I confused my wants for needs and neglected to truly believe that I could do things on my own…People are just a plus – a treat – a gift given to you that one must learn to cherish and learn to understand that people will come and go but in the end we always have ourselves…

For a long while I believed that I truly NEEDED people and truly NEEDED the comfort of a man…and part of me is still @ that stage…but the more and more I learn myself the more I realize that I don’t NEED anyone – I lost myself in wanting people and looking for comfort in all the wrong places when all I had to do was look within…

I said something to a friend today that just made perfect sense: “If you start depending on someone to the point that you feel you need them you stop living for you and start living for other”I sat back and reflected on that comment – and couldn’t believe that all the words I was looking for were right there inside of me – I caught myself off guard at how well I truly understand that and how I could give that advice…this is when the epiphany came that “Damn girl…all you truly needed all along was to find yourself and learn to completely love and understand yourself”

For most of my life I always made decisions on the opinions of others and the desires of what others wanted for me…always had a strong opinion and have always been very outspoken…but if I truly cared and loved you I just wanted to see you happy and I didn’t care what I had to do – I always put you first….now I realize that I’m not the only one…but that it wasn’t healthy for me – I had no sense of balance between me and that person…so yet another revelations “Stop living your life trying to please everyone and start pleasing yourself – if you truly want someone to love you and know your worth in their life you need to know it first” – so here I am learning my worth and loving me!

So of course my journey continues and I’m sure I’ll have my relapses and there will be times and situations that will push me back – but the lesson I learned today is:: I’m a lot stronger than I give myself credit for and I need to start believing and loving myself whole heartedly….:: it’s a work in progress but always moving forward, remembering the past and taking my learned lessons with me….

I

MOVE

FORWARD…..