::Emotions: happy, relieved, fascinated, content, peaceful::
Today I sat back and just looked @ my life – I realized I now see things that I never thought I’d see…Truly ironic – things I never thought would be are being – realizing how naïve and blind “love” can truly make you Its like a sigh of relief – my heart is finally starting to feel free and I’m truly not scared of it….starting to accept the things I cannot change and have no control over…its like that prayer “God grant me to serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”I now see how I am learning to accept and gain the courage – the wisdom was always there I just suppressed it b/c I was too confused with my wants and needs – more often than not I confused my wants for needs and neglected to truly believe that I could do things on my own…People are just a plus – a treat – a gift given to you that one must learn to cherish and learn to understand that people will come and go but in the end we always have ourselves…
For a long while I believed that I truly NEEDED people and truly NEEDED the comfort of a man…and part of me is still @ that stage…but the more and more I learn myself the more I realize that I don’t NEED anyone – I lost myself in wanting people and looking for comfort in all the wrong places when all I had to do was look within…
I said something to a friend today that just made perfect sense: “If you start depending on someone to the point that you feel you need them you stop living for you and start living for other”I sat back and reflected on that comment – and couldn’t believe that all the words I was looking for were right there inside of me – I caught myself off guard at how well I truly understand that and how I could give that advice…this is when the epiphany came that “Damn girl…all you truly needed all along was to find yourself and learn to completely love and understand yourself”
For most of my life I always made decisions on the opinions of others and the desires of what others wanted for me…always had a strong opinion and have always been very outspoken…but if I truly cared and loved you I just wanted to see you happy and I didn’t care what I had to do – I always put you first….now I realize that I’m not the only one…but that it wasn’t healthy for me – I had no sense of balance between me and that person…so yet another revelations “Stop living your life trying to please everyone and start pleasing yourself – if you truly want someone to love you and know your worth in their life you need to know it first” – so here I am learning my worth and loving me!
So of course my journey continues and I’m sure I’ll have my relapses and there will be times and situations that will push me back – but the lesson I learned today is:: I’m a lot stronger than I give myself credit for and I need to start believing and loving myself whole heartedly….:: it’s a work in progress but always moving forward, remembering the past and taking my learned lessons with me….
I
MOVE
FORWARD…..
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